March 2012
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Somebody please stop all these grownup things that...
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I need badly to go to sleep, but I don't think...
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Hi people fundraising for elections!
Just so you know, if you call me asking for 900 freaking dollars you will get zero dollars. And I know your script so I can go ahead and say that your $600 and $300 questions aren’t going to end up helping your case either.
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Hat stories with Doctor Jack: I could be a master...
“I can only ever recognize you by your hats” #ThatsOkayWithMe
— Karissa Dawn (@onegoldenbangle) March 23, 2012
One day in the distant past I was selected by a very important committee to receive an award recognizing the high level of awesomicity I bring not just to the table but also to bars and desks and other such places in need, a fact that should impress you a great deal or at...
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Oh no I slid too far down my bed and now my...
Oh nooooooooooooo
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Is anybody around tonight?
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“Oh wait. Pants.”
– Me right before walking down to ask people at my apartment office if they have seen my package.
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dancingwithpostcards replied to your post: That is actually based on a true story in which I just made a sandwich
Can I get Seth Rogan to play me?
Of course, but then who is going to play Seth Rogan?
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That is actually based on a true story in which I...
And then I don’t know what happens because we are living it right now!
Please let me know if you would like to play yourself when it turns into a major motion picture event of the century or else if you have someone in mind to play you.
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Because Katie was not wanting to read about hunger...
Steve: I sure am going to eat this sandwich that is here on this plate.
Toucan: No no don't do that.
Steve: But it is my sandwich and that is how you do the sandwiches.
Toucan: I will flip you for it.
Steve: What?
Toucan: Like a game, man. A SANDWICH GAME.
Steve: I made this to eat.
Toucan: Will you stop being a dick all the day please?
Steve: I'm not going to flip you for my sandwich.
Toucan: If you win I will tell you where I urinated.
Steve: What?
Toucan: You really want to know where I urinated.
Steve: What the balls man.
Toucan: Haha yeah it was on your balls. I'm just kidding you would have noticed that.
Steve:
Toucan: Okay do you have a quarter?
Steve: I don't carry change.
Toucan: Who carries change?
Carl: I AM A BAG OF MONEY WITH A DOLLAR SIGN ON IT.
Steve: Maybe guys that want to flip for sandwiches.
CARL: I HAVE QUARTERS.
Toucan: Seriously dude try not being a dick.
CARL: PLEASE USE ME I AM SO LONELY.
Steve:
CARL: DIVE IN ME LIKE YOU ARE A DUCK.
Toucan: Okay here we go.
Steve: Don't
Toucan: I'm just going to flip the sandwich. Will you calm down for just a second? Gosh what is your problem today?
Steve: My girlfriend tried to set my car on fi
Toucan: FLIP!
Arrow: ARROW!
Sandwich: ARROWED!
Girl: AND THAT IS HOW YOU PLAY THE SANDWICH GAME.
Someone: What the balls?
Girl: BOOOYAH DUMBIES.
Someone else: I am pretty sure that is against the rules.
Girl: NAILED IT.
Toucan: Toucan noises.
Girl: SANDWICH NOISES.
Arrow: I'm eating a sandwich.
Sandwich: I'm eating an arrow.
And the moral of this story is one day you will be able to see the future so watch out and also watch out. Seriously pay attention.
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HALLOWEEN NEXT YEAR. SECRETARIAT COSTUME. RING...
tornadoofpenises:
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downandoutinthesouth asked: None! Also he's a bleached blonde dude from the 90's so fuck him, take the car and bail is my philosophy in this situation. Also he dead.
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woothesaloon replied to your post: if you’re living vicariously through me then you are drunk. Congrats!!!
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downandoutinthesouth asked: if you're living vicariously through me then you are drunk. Congrats!!!
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I was watching Superbad earlier and thought of...
Too bad I have absolutely no idea what it was. It is on again though in the other room, so maybe we’ll get lucky.
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The only bad part about starting at the beginning...
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Hey I was just in the shower
You’re welcome.
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what she says: brb shower!!
what she really means: imagine me naked and wet in the shower i hope you think i'm hot
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How come I never get to accidentally sleep with a...
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woothesaloon:
The Countdown Singers | Molly...
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I have absolutely nothing to do today
I hope you are as fortunate.
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YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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woothesaloon replied to your post: I was making a chicken sandwich today for lunch
I’d pay you in bacon, which I would expect to see on the next sandwich.
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I was making a chicken sandwich today for lunch
And I thought maybe I should put some turkey on top of the chicken. Basically my point is I should be paid for making food this awesome.
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Smarticus Farticus is talking about the director...
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Good morning my friends
I am not headachy at the moment which is nice. On the other hand I had enough energy to last until all of 8ish before passing out. I guess that’s a fair trade for the day.
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